Sex Off The Menu For Japanese Couples, Says Sexless Survey

Sexless couples are on the rise in Japan.

Sexless couples are on the rise in Japan.

Valentine’s Day may be just around the corner, but for Japanese couples, it seems that romance is off the menu.

One of the most read articles on the Yahoo! Japan magazines portal this weekend came from an article discussing sexless couples that was featured in R25, a free magazine aimed at young Japanese people. The issue of sexless singletons has hit the news before, but the increasing occurrence of sexless couples is an entirely different matter. These couples do not identify as asexual couples; rather they are couples who, for various reasons, simply stop having sex. And some of them aren’t even married yet.

Of course, it is possible that more and more Japanese couples are staying in long-term relationships without getting married, in which case these statistics only tell us what we already know; that over time relationships can lose their spark. On the other hand, they could highlight a new phenomenon that has parallels with the increase in single, sexless youths in Japan.

What do you think about the so-called ‘sexless epidemic’ that appears to be sweeping through the nation? Is it simply the result of an obsession with sexual stats? Or just an insufficient obsession with sex?

From Yahoo! Japan:

A Percentage of UnmarriedCouples are Sexless!

40.9% of Men and 52.2% of Women Had Talked About Sexlessness With Their Lover; Less Than Half  In Total, 46.7%

sexless-couples-cartoon-03

Man:”Aaaah, guess I’ll go to bed soon…”
Woman: “Not this again…”
[pre-established harmony]

Should we already be calling it a social problem? ‘Sexlessness’ is epidemic. According to the December 2012 ‘Survey of Male-Female Couples’ Lifestyles and Awareness’ carried out by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA), the percentage of couples who said that they ‘had not had sex in the past month’ was 41.3%. This is a considerable percentage, and it is not the only problem. It appears that sexlessness is even epidemic among unmarried couples in their twenties and thirties. When our magazine carried out a survey of 400 men and women (200 of each gender) between 25 and 34 years old who were in a relationship, around 30% of them (29.6%) answered the number of times they had sex was less than ‘once per month’. Although just under 10% were stalwarts who had sex ‘more than three times a week’, results showed that around half of respondents said that they had sex less than ‘once every two weeks’. It is another thing if this happens after a couple get married, but why are people not having sex when they are a new couple?

When we asked those who recognise themselves as ‘sexless’ the reason for this, more than half of them answered that ‘I don’t feel sexually attracted to my partner/ We’re stuck in a rut’. In particular, this answer was remarkable from women. When we asked Dr. Souda Satoru, head of Hiroo Ladies and author of the book ‘A Textbook For Your Uterus From Age 31 Onwards’, told us that women coming to discuss sexlessness at his clinic had almost doubled in the past two to three years.

‘Most of the women I see are women who are already married, and who were wither in sexless relationships even when they were dating, or women who first had sex after they got married and then found that things weren’t going well’.

結婚式 夜

So it seems that there are also cases where sexlessness between a couple begins before they get married. But what kind of ‘treatment’ could there possibly be for sexless couples that could return their relationship to its original state?

There are various things that can be done depending on the circumstances of the couple, but you start by talking about physical things, so that they can enjoy sex together. The thing is, in actual fact 80% of the consultations I have are with the woman alone. Men really shouldn’t be embarrassed and should come with their partners. It’s difficult to resolve things when the men don’t really care.’

It’s difficult if sexlessness can’t be solved as a couple, but what can be done for those couples who say that they ‘just don’t feel like it’…?

Comments from 2ch.net:

キジ白(東京都):

10% of you guys are sexless.

バーミーズ(チベット自治区):

Isn’t that just called a friend?

ぬこ(福井県):

So there are even husbands and wives who are sexless.

黒トラ(島根県):

Thing is, it’s easier to wank than have sex, plus it feels better.

ボンベイ(埼玉県):[in response to above]

What are you talking about, virgin?

黒トラ(島根県):[in response to above]

V-v-v-v-irgin? I’m not a virgin!

ヨーロッパヤマネコ(広島県):

It’s because when a guy has his first kid, at that moment his life is over. ‘The condom split w

イリオモテヤマネコ(静岡県):

It’s no problem — the number of men and women who are not going out but who are having sex is also increasing.

縞三毛(関東・甲信越):

I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for six years, and I haven’t done it for four.

サバトラ(神奈川県):

But everyone thinks that if you do it all the time then it’s better not to do it or to reduce the number of times you do it because you’ll get fed up. When I was in high-school I thought it was impossible to get sick of having sex, but you do.

イエネコ(東京都):

After about a year you usually stop doing it. You don’t get turned on anymore, so you start thinking about cheating all the time.

シンガプーラ(WiMAX):

Seems like if you have sex before marriage, then the rate of infidelity goes up after marriage.

ヒョウ(東京都):

I became sexless after we got a kitten. The cage just had to be in our bedroom…

ボンベイ(香川県):

I guess that when you go out with someone for a long time, you gradually become like siblings, or you’re just living normally, so there’s nothing you can do about it. But I think it’s like you definitely don’t want to break up and if anyone laid a hand on your girl you’d go fucking crazy.

ペルシャ(長屋):

If there’s love between you, and you’re happy, then I guess that’s enough, even if you don’t do it. I’m a virgin, by the way…

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  • Zappa Frank

    something to be proud of… go japan

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/VictimOfBoredom Matt

    Friend zone with a ring.

  • YourSupremeCommander

    They (and me, and you too) lose interest in their partners because its the same old same old with the same person that’s getting very tiresome. Bring a different hot young chick everyday, and I bet ya’ll will have sex EVERYDAY.

    • Kate

      Don’t speak forbme, I’ve been having sex with the same man for almost 3 yrs and its better now then it was 3 yrs ago and still fun.

      • rollin wit 9′s

        i guess that’s good to hear. I used to be a proponent of no sex before marriage. Quite frankly I’m glad those days for me are gone. Not discrediting the fun side of it but i believe that if you’re not satisfied with your partner and you’ve just had sex only after getting married, you’ve got a problem on your hands. Better to experiment before marriage with your potential partner and get a rough feel for how things will go. Spicing things up can only go so far.

    • tonkotsu

      sex feels pretty good to me every time.. are you saying your orgasm feel less awesome as time goes by…..?

  • meo fio

    “AERA reports that condom shipments are down 40% since 1993
    (probably in part because Japan finally legalized birth-control pills in
    1999) and love-hotel check-ins are off at least 20% over the past five
    years. What’s more, an increasing number of those visiting love hotels
    aren’t there for romance, AERA says; they’ve found that love hotels offer the cheapest access to karaoke machines and video games.”

    • Flora

      Trust me, it isn’t because of the pill.

      I looked into it before and all sources confirmed that most Japanese women refuse to use the pill. Apparently, there’s tons of misinformation & false truths about the pill that J-women don’t know how/are too lazy to clear up themselves.

      • AnthonyLudovici

        What sort of false information are you referring to?

        I think the pill has a negative effect upon a lot of women. It changes your hormones and makes you desire more effete men for example, this has been proven.

        Don’t act like the pill is perfect. I bet you think having kids in your late 30s is fine too.

        • Flora

          False info like “taking the pill means you can’t have kids even after you quit” or “women who take the pill sleep around”.

          As for your “argument”, stop reading crackpot studies funded by people looking for a result that supports their logic (*coughCatholicscough*) & actually look into facts supported by medical science.

          Also, I think having a baby whenever I damn well want one is fine.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            >Also, I think having a baby whenever I damn well want one is fine.

            IT’S MAH BODY! I DO WHAT I WANT!

  • Kate

    I just don’t get this. American couples seem to have much more sex. Other countries people seem to have more sex, why is japan becoming sexless? Im in a normal, happy marriage for almost 3 yrs now and we have sex roughly 5-6 times a week even with a baby. And we r very open and honest about it with each other. Maybe some couple counseling would be good in Japan?

    • http://www.koreabang.com/ James Pearson

      You might want to rephrase “…we have sex roughly 5-6 times a week even with a baby”.

      • Guest

        Keep an open mind, bro.

      • Kate

        Lol I just realized how that sounded ^_^♥

      • tonkotsu

        LOL

      • besudesu

        Trust you to lower the tone, Pearson www (=>ㅋㅋㅋ)

        • http://www.koreabang.com/ James Pearson

          I’ll lower YOUR tone.

    • Reila90

      Because Japanese have no sense of opennese. In Japan, everything has its own rules. All about culture, rules, culture, rules. A very tight serious society. Every single thing you do is controlled by society. They don’t have spontaneous and individualism culture like in west. So asking for sex is a very sensitive matter for a couple. Also if they are busy, they are more likely to prioritize their duty above physical need & most importantly family.

      • linette lee

        You look like one of my chinese girlfriend from taiwan.

        • linette lee

          Her face look like that when she smiles with glasses on. hahaha…lol

          She resembles this taiwanese actress.

          http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/9468/37429610150396465738580.jpg

          • Kate

            Ha yeah you’re right.

          • The Elephant

            How many surgeries to the face she done to her unnatural face?

          • linette lee

            My Taiwanese girlfriend has zero plastic surgery. As a matter of matter, all my chinese friends have zero plastic surgery. I only know two old chinese women in their late forties had some kind of face lifts or eyelifts surgeries.

          • Kate

            I think he’s talking about the actress in the picture. To me, even though I know she’s asian, she Does look half white. She looks more white then asian actually, Reila is white, so if an asian looks like her, she must be a white looking asian. Asians don’t look “euroasian” typically without surgery (well real euroasians look euroasian), non plastic asians look asian, not white but the ones who do surgery look half white (in my opinion). Whenever I and friends talk about asian stars and I show them a pic of one, like Miss Korea 2012, typically the first thing they exclaim is “she’s pretty but she looks white”. I know korean plastic surgery sites feature white women heavily in ads even though 99% of their customer base is asian women. In comparison, white plastic surgeons never ever feature asian women. This is something that is very noticeable.

            But ah who cares what people do to their faces? Its their face. I’m probably going to get a nose job when I go to Korea, to make my nose straighter and smaller. But I’m worried because I don’t know how well asian surgeons, who typically do asian noses, would be good at a white nose. I’m going to get a consultation done when I go next month.

          • linette lee

            This actress looks Asian. She looks Chinese. She has Asian nose. She does not have any Caucasian features at all. I have seen many Chinese girl with this type of look on the street. It’s also the make up. Those heavy muscara eye lashes and eye makeup. I think she has color contacts on also. You as a Caucasian can create this eurasian look too with make up. Heavy eye make up. Like most women in the world, they color their hair and eyes and use make up for a brighter and different look.

            Chinese people the pretty ones look like this. Those are asian features. Not plastic surgeries or eurasian features.

            http://yeinjee.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/hong-kong-entertainment-019.jpg

            http://en.academic.ru/pictures/enwiki/86/Vivian_portrait.jpg

            http://charmedcharmaine.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/ckitty.jpg

          • YourSupremeCommander

            These 3 are pretty? Girl, you got issues!

          • linette lee

            lol. I am just trying to point out big eyes or just a “sharper” facial features are not necessarily Cauasian features. I am trying to show what natural Chinese face can look like.

            I am sure your prefer these clone plastic on your china TV.

            http://beautycontestupdate.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Pan-ShuangShuang.jpg

            http://wasaphollywood.com/pretty-and-popular-chinese-model-liu-duo-duo/

            This is two different girls but they look like clones. I can’t tell these chinese plastic clones apart. I never can.

          • Chang Liu

            She looks asian and not caucasian to me. Where do you get that from?

          • AnthonyLudovici

            She looks Eurasian to be honest, from my perspective at least.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dinie.akhemu Gerhana

            she also resemble this actress. Can you guess if shes Chinese, Japanese or Korean? after you guess ill tell you the answer.

          • linette lee

            she is plastic asian chick. They all look like clones after surgeries. hahahaha lol….

          • https://www.facebook.com/dinie.akhemu Gerhana

            haha, funny lin

          • Kate

            She’s far to photoshopped, she doesn’t look asian to me at all,she looks hispanic or half white half asian but def not 100% asian.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dinie.akhemu Gerhana

            yes… she’s Japanese, when I posted this picture I just watched one of her movie “My rainy day”. She is excellent at crying and most Japanese drama ive watched involve crying and someone dying.

          • hun

            What do you mean “doesn’t look asian”? What are asians supposed to look like?

          • linette lee

            This japanese actress has a fake nose. oh…wait…it’s not called plastic surgery. The japanese called it reconstructive surgery because of broken nose. hahahahah lol. (that is what one blogger told me.)

          • hun

            My point was that the term “asian” is so diverse that the questioning of “doesn’t look asian” does not compute. It’s not even about surgery it’s about kate generalizing the looks of asians because asians can sometimes have high bridge noses, double lids etc and when they do she says they’re a different race or mixed?

          • Kate

            I found this website and thought about you…
            http://kpsurgery.tumblr.com/page/2

          • linette lee

            I think many of these girls go overboard with the plastic surgeries. They completely changed the head and body. They changed their eye shape, face shape, nose shape, change the color of their skin… They turned into a different person. What do their parents think. Don’t they feel sad?

          • Kate

            I always wonder what they tell guys that they are dating or if they ever show their natural faces. A lot of those girls have had extensive work, literally most are ugly to very average looking before and then suddenly they’re beautiful but resemble nothing of their old selves. Most are young and probably don’t have kids but at some point the truth is gonna come out when the kid comes out looking drastically different and then what do they say when their kid asks them,”why aren’t I pretty like you?” “Well we will get you loads of plastic surgery too!” If I were dating in Korea, I would seriously ask for an old photo before getting serious. That level of surgery is verrrry deceiving and disturbing.

          • linette lee

            It’s the fault of the korea gov’t and their culture. Their culture and gov’t don’t promote “be yourself and be proud” in the school to little kids. Kids are told they must have double eyelids in order to be considered beautiful. That is really wrong. In USA, kids are told “you are beautiful and beauty comes in all size and shape.” No plasty means less chance for better jobs or good university enrollment. This is really mess up. Who wants to live in this kind of society?

            I heard it is common that they ask for childhood photos just to make sure how they really look. That is mess up.

    • tonkotsu

      it’s because japan is messed up

  • monmon

    Sigh, yes we’re talking about this again. Personally I’ve always thought sex was kinda overrated, anyway.

    • Kate

      I don’t think so. I love sex, like a lot. I could never be with a man whose sex drive wasn’t equal to mine, a man that isn’t having sex with you is ether ill, not attracted to you, or getting it somewhere else. I wonder how many of the men in these “sexless” relationships visit hostess/prostitutes?

      • AnthonyLudovici

        I used to think you sounded like a sweet girl Kate, but this just comes across as trashy.

        Men can have interests entirely separate from sex, it’s a lot harder for women to have this as your lives revolve around it in a way ours don’t. Hence why men like Tesla never had sex even though women adored him.

        Not to be a yellow fever type, but it seems like Asian girls are a little different in this regard as they’re happy to go without sex for extended periods.

        • Kate

          So a woman is trashy for discussing sex in a sex article? You’re also the same person who thought all women should to be japanese idols because “thats how they should all be”. You know you remind me of Doctor Arden from American Horror Story. Dude you don’t have clue what I am like, what my life is like, who I am as a person, you really don’t. You must think you do but trust me, you really don’t.

          This whole “well us men do things other then sex and women don’t” is just so stupid I don’t even know where to start. My life revolves around sex suddenly because I made a comment about how sex is healthy in healthy relationships? I must only think about sex huh? Uh no jackass, I have many, many other things I think about, and I can guarentee you that 90% of the time I am thinking about the well being of my child and husband then the rest is divided between food, family, sleep, life problems like bills, my own health, entertainment, my animals, and sex? Well me and my husband only think about sex late at night after the baby is asleep. You know if men don’t think about sex so much then please tell me why the pornography and sex industry are so rich? Tell me why most rapes are committed by men? Because they’re sexually superior right?

          And asian women don’t talk about sex huh? They’re demure, submissive flowers who never ever do anything that would be considered trashy huh? LOL. That in itself shows how stereotyped that you have asian women and how little you really know about them. I met farrrrrrrrr more “sexually active” asian women in Korea then I did foreign women for sure. I’ve also met plenty of “sexually promiscous” korean girls, give me a break.

          Look why don’t you go get a blow up doll? They look like women yet don’t talk back to you and will always agree with you.

          • https://www.facebook.com/dinie.akhemu Gerhana

            Yeah you are actually quite conservative in opposition to trashy… and you really dislike prostitute I noticed.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Too reflexively angry. I don’t think women should divulge details of their sex lives online. I think they should aim to keep their sexual partner count low and so on. I’m not going to apologize for holding these views.

            I’m also not one of those people who thinks Asian girls are better than White girls. Both are equally cute/attractive.

            Stop getting mad.

          • Kate

            Dude I’m not mad, more flabbergasted that you think you know me. And outside of this SEX article about sex lives, I don’t talk about sex ever. I don’t think its proper to talk about sex outside of context ether but in relation to the subject of this article, its appropriate to extent.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            I don’t think sex is as big a deal as to make it a contingent factor on whether you’d date/marry someone.

          • Kate

            I think sex is one of many important factors to consider before marrying someone because I think a couple that is sexually compatible is also a happier healthier couple, a more in love couple, and I think women deserve to be as sexually happy as the man, I think two people should work on making each other happy. Intimacy with your partner, sexual expression of the love you have for that person, the amount of trust that is required in sex is something that is very important and I think if more couples worked on understanding and exploring with each other, openly talking about their desires/feelings/wants in regards to sex then the healthier and happier they are as a wife and husband.

            And no I didn’t marry my husband because I like the sex, I’m not a one dimensional, hollow trout. I married my husband because he is funny, hard working, smart, attractive, loyal and loving and he expresses he loves me in many ways just not sex. People aren’t so simple nor easily summed up, I’m not simple and nether are you.

          • besudesu

            Frankly, I’m mad. Women are perfectly entitled to express their sexuality without that expression being judged, and particularly without it being judged on the basis of their gender. I tolerate a lot of things on this thread, but misguided misogyny will never be one of them.

          • Kate

            yeah I seriously doubt he would of replied if my avatar name was Kevin.

          • besudesu

            Exactly. Because then you’d just be a dude, doing what dudes do.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Besudesu, are you a female Japanophile?

            I’ve alays found it funny how females with typically “nerdy” interests like anime are, uncharacterstically for the “nerd” stereotype, highly promiscuous, have issues with absent/distant fathers and so on.

            Wonder why this, none of the typical male “nerds” I know are like this.

            Can you stop thinking about sex for a few seconds please?

          • besudesu

            Regardless of what I may or may not be, you should bear in mind that I am the mod.

          • Chang Liu

            Here is quite an interesting article that may shed some light on the subject.
            http://io9.com/5977668/do-men-really-have-higher-sex-drives-than-women
            Sex drive isn’t symmetrical between men and women. Which makes women who have high sex drive more rare. Now society have a tendency to ostracise minority that are different which I agree is wrong, but making this the fore-ground we fail to acknowledge factual differences.

          • the ace of books

            Women shouldn’t, but men should/can? Oh, Anthony, y u so ew

          • Tsuhna

            Kate, you react rather emotionally to a trollish message. I kinda understand what AnthonyLudovici is trying to say, but he does put his views here in an aggravating way. Don’t feed a troll, even if he has some points.

            Women by nature are afraid of being called sluts. This is because men view promiscuous women with despise all over the world – sure, they’d bang them, but never keep them as a wife. This is because of our biology and evolution. If your partner is promiscuous it is possible that your children aren’t really yours and eventually your genes will be wiped out. Because life is fundamentally based around surviving and breeding and thousands of years ago – remember, evolutin doesn’t happen very fast – there weren’t any DNA tests it is a huge risk for a man to raise a kid with women who are too open.

            Same way women hate men who aren’t loyal to them. This is because getting pregnant and raising a kid was a huge task in the stone age and if the hubbie happened to run away the wife was in a trouble. Of course studies have shown that our genes and thus our thinking is still the same as it was in the stone age. Also it should be mentioned, that women often (not always), according to biological studies, uncosciously prefer more masculine men (better genes) during their ovulation, in other words when they’re more fertile. Then raising kids can be left to less masculine but more loyal men so that the family doesn’t die of hunger.

            It’s all biology, folks. Apart from that, I don’t find it very classy when women are openly sexual, especially in internet. Of course you can take my words as a personal opinion but remember that deep down men really hate that type of women. I should know, I’m from Scandinavia, the heaven of equality, but still most men here appreciate traditional, classy women. Too bad a lot of girls don’t understand this, they think they’re cool and modern when openly bragging about how many partners they had – well, they’re just lowering their own status in the eyes of all guys who happen to hear that. Like I said, we like to bang slutty women, but we would never marry those and often they lose all the respect.

            In these terms Chinese culture is a lot healthier than the western which has become too liberal – people still encourage traditional values, modesty and chastity of women. I’m not saying Chinese girls are any different than western ones, but their way of thinking if often at least a bit more reasonable and healthier.

          • Kate

            The only part I agree with out your statement is the evolution thing. Girls who are open about their sexuality on the internet? What are you talking about? If you’re referring to me and my statements about my own personal married sex life (which by the way I don’t think are vulgar at all) then I think you’re very misguided on that. This is a discussion forum and the topic is marriage and sex and I see nothing wrong with anyone being honest about that. I’m not ashamed to have an honest conversation about sex and if more people were like that I bet it would help a lot of these issues that the japanese are facing. I.e next to no communication about these topics. By sharing stories, you can make people feel like they too can be more honest or in my case, piss off some misognystic dudes who have real issues about women and sex.
            And chinese women are more demure while american women aren’t? Really? So what part of america culture we are talking about? A porn star in California isn’t anything like a southern baptist christian girl in Kansas. To say “x group is this while other x group is this” is absolutely just stupid. There are PLENTY of chinese women who are having sex with guys that aren’t their husbands. China has hostess girls, many of which can be bought, but you know what? Morristown, Tenessee absolutely does not, so which culture is promoting promiscuity more? You can not paint all of one group of women as something when every single woman is an individual in her own right.

          • linette lee

            Male whore or male slut is a common term women use on men. Are the men afraid of being labeled male whore? I know women talk about men like that. I don’t think being labeled as male whore is a good thing. Good women will stay away from male whores.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            The difference between men and women is that women regard a man who has had sex with a lot of women as highly desirable.

            Whereas the reverse is true for men.

            Of course someone will interject and say “But I’m not like that”, either they are lying, or they are telling the truth and are an exception. Of course women love men who sleep around, it’s pre-selection, shows they are successful with women.

          • the ace of books

            ” either they are lying, or they are telling the truth ”

            And that’s all we need to know about your logic. Anthony, dude, just take your views and go sit down in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            General trends do not preclude anecdotal exceptions.

          • mr.wiener

            I’m sensing a lack of anecdotes here.

            In addition your victorian attitudes of “Men want women of some modesty, who want them[the men] for their sexual experience” ideas ring false not only because they are hypocritical but also from a purely mathematical standpoint.
            No one is suggesting you marry a Soi Pat Pong pole dancer or at the other extreme get rings plighting your virginity to your partner, hell, do whatever you want to do mate….Just don’t be surprised if you get a less than welcome reception when you try to foist your ideas on the greater percentage of the population.
            You want a manly hug now?

          • mr.wiener

            No, every man wants a virgin who is a whore.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Most men don’t desire actual virginity, just a reasonable sexual partner count (like say, a few monogamous relationships by the time they’re 25).

            Women want men to be v. sexually experienced. This is undeniable.

          • mr.wiener

            when you say “most men” do you speak only for yourself?
            You most certainly do not speak for me, unless I was some kind of cousin rogering religious fundamentalist like yourself.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Do you really think the majority of men are ok with a woman they want to marry having slept with dozens if not hundreds of men?

            What kind of leftist hipster bubble do you inhabit? I want to observe it in amusement from a safe distance.

            It’s funny you resort to such typical libtard insults though. Typical retarded Ameriacn libfaggot who probably can’t understand a word of Chinese, Korean or Japanese but thinks he’s cultured because he occasionally orders ‘exotic’ teas from his independent coffee shop.

          • mr.wiener

            To correct some of your assumptions:
            Australian.
            Lived in Taiwan 15 years.
            Speak three languages [Taiwanese is particularly tough]
            Own my own biznez.

            If you want to marry a virgin go right ahead, just don’t expect everyone to conform to your mindset,
            Oh, and my wife was not as pure as the driven snow when we first met [14.5 years ago] It doesn’t mean I love her any the less.

          • Reply

            Do you really think the majority of women are ok with a man they want to marry having slept with dozens if not hundreds of women?

            The answer is ‘no’ my friend.

          • Ryan

            This is a good point, we don’t really want someone who’s a virgin, so long as she isn’t demeaning herself for every guy who says she’s cute. A committed relationship involving sex is completely acceptable.

            But I’m not sure that it’s the sexually experienced that are desirable, I believe it’s more about ability and eagerness to please that’s the desirable point. As well as confidence, men who have had many sexual partners tend to be confident in themselves which is what women find attractive but even if a man has had a thousand sexual partners, if that man gives nothing in bed or cares only about sex I don’t think this man is truly desirable. If he’s had many partners it means he’s not reliable or interested in anything long term which I find many women dislike. It’s confidence without smugness or self adulation that women desire as well as skill and attentiveness to her needs. Women, please correct me if I’m wrong here but I don’t think I am.

          • mr.wiener

            “Himbo” is another good word.

          • Chang Liu

            Personally I find men who express how women should behave regarding sex distasteful on the internet and in life. Deep down any liberal minded person really take that type of person.

          • the ace of books

            “Personally I find men who express how women should behave regarding sex distasteful on the internet and in life.”

            Oh, I like this comment! Just add a gender reversal to it and I’m happy!

          • Ryan

            Sorry but I have a bit of a bone to pick with that last paragraph. Having lived in China and spoken to many many people I can not even an ounce agree with the idea that the repressed sexuality of the Chinese is even a bit healthier or reasonable. In China women are of lower stature than men and it’s not ok for them to be sexually active even a little bit which just leads to them being far more promiscuous and further leads to FAR more extramarital affairs. In fact, in some places the statistic is as much as 60% of Chinese women having extramarital affairs. Not to mention by many surveys, almost 1 in 3 women have sold their bodies for money. So don’t tell me China’s got a healthier view, that’s merely a facade. I met very very few actual virgins in China and when I did they did not have a healthy view of sex, fearing it or thinking it dirty. Whereas, in countries where sex is spoken about openly and accepted equally from both sexes, these statistics are far lower.

            There are always going to be people who think promiscuity is wrong for women and ok for men, but this is just ignorant sexism. I don’t like promiscuity but I feel it’s equally distasteful for men as for women. People have their own opinions of what’s right and what’s wrong but I don’t judge a woman more harshly simply because she’s a woman. And even women who have had many partners are not simply bad people because of the number of partners, in fact, the only thing that should matter is her loyalty to any one given partner given that she’s agreed to be with that one person. And as far as having a strong sex drive, how is this not a good trait? So long as it doesn’t extend to selling herself short or allowing herself to be used by men. My girlfriend has a very strong sex drive and while she hasn’t had many partners, and nor have I mind you, sex is a great way to show affection and build strong relationships and it helps keep a relationship strong. That’s not all that makes the relationship strong, it’s only one of many factors but it IS a factor.

            Which brings me back to the subject of this article, I don’t believe Japan is suffering from a deficient sex drive, I thing the problem lays in the over-availability of more and more deviant pornography giving men an overdose of perversion which most women aren’t comfortable with and since the men expect women to do all manner of demeaning sex acts and don’t get their desires filled, they turn back to their pornography having become almost numb to normal healthy sexual relationships. Masturbation becomes the norm while women go unfulfilled in their love life. On this I agree with Kate entirely, if a man does not desire sex with his partner, there is something wrong. Maybe sometimes he’s also not up to it, I experienced this when I was injured and moving around hurt, my sex drive was extremely low, and it became an issue, but when it healed, I was right back to desiring her. And it does become difficult at times for couples who are together for a long time as does all aspects of relationships, and like everything, it’s something which should be built on every day and spoken about openly.

            Sexual repression only leads to problems, traditional views are great but forcing those views and standards on one sex more than another is wrong, weather or not there is a biological reason for it. If we haven’t grown beyond our biological past then we aren’t evolving and growing as a society. Equality is the only way to advance as a civilization and if we don’t embrace that fact, we will never move forward.

            Kate, don’t let these guys rile you up, you’re an enlightened person and talking about your sexuality is nothing to apologize for. Thinking about sex is not wrong, women desire intimacy just as much as men and deserve to talk about it without being accused of being a slut or not deserving of respect. And talk like, “we like to bang slutty women” is far worse than a woman saying she desires sex with her partner.

          • Kate

            Thank you, I don’t consider myself a hardcore feminist at all. I believe a woman has a role to fill in a marriage and so does a man. And that creates harmony. I have no problem cleaning and cooking and raising a child as long as my man is also working his butt off to pay bills and provide food. However I firmly believe. That misogny is one.of the reasons that makes this world a miserable place. Society can not become better until boys are educated to respect women, their thoughts and opinions and their bodies. So much violence is perpetuated by men who deem women inferior, sluts, etc there’s a sheer hatred for women in them that causes enough problems. Misogny needs to be fought 24/7. Anyway great post, loved it! ★♥♥♥♥♥♥

        • Jurippe

          You thought Kate sounded like a sweet girl? English isn’t your first language right?

          • Kate

            I’ve never claimed to be anything? I don’t know why anyone would make such assumptions about my personality, I honestly don’t assume anything.about anyone else who posts here, I just read their comments and focus on that. And what exactly is sweet anyway? I’m a nice person, I’m friendly to people and very considerate but these are only things anyone would know if they actually knew me. Ill be in seoul next month if anyone wants to get a coffee!

          • Brett

            Kate, I’m down for coffee! How bout with the tykes in tow? Just don’t make me go to some shit Cafe Bene or Tom and Toms chain shop!

        • linette lee

          Nothing wrong with liking sex. Asian girls like any girl like to be loved and cuddle by the one man she loves. Having sex with that one man sleeping next to her every night. It’s good for the relationship. No women will complain being cuddled underneath the warm blanket in cold winter nights.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            True, in a relationship it’s fine.

            Women who sleep around aren’t really too appealing to me though.

          • linette lee

            Majority of women Asian or non Asian have had sex before marriage. It’s the iron truth.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Well yeah, but that’s not what determines whether a girl is a slut or not.

          • besudesu

            What is a slut, exactly? Care to elaborate on that?

          • Loke

            Personally I think depends, but the fewer partners the better. There are many studies that confirm this(not that it isnt obvious from just real-life):

            Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women
            http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
            “Using nationally representative data from the 1995 National Survey of
            Family Growth, I estimate the association between intimate premarital
            relationships (premarital sex and premarital cohabitation) and
            subsequent marital dissolution. I extend previous research by
            considering relationship histories pertaining to both premarital sex and
            premarital cohabitation. I find that premarital sex or premarital
            cohabitation that is limited to a woman’s husband is not associated with
            an elevated risk of marital disruption.”

          • besudesu

            Yeah, but that study uses US data from almost 20 years ago. Times have changed. Also, the earlier data sets he uses are from a time when it would have been frowned upon for a woman to admit that she had sex before marriage. I think that anyone with any sort of critical thinking would object to the angle of the study, since this author is also only considering ‘marital disruption’ from the perspective of the woman’s sexual experiences prior to marriage. The approach and the content are both outdated. The only possible conclusion one could draw from this is that pre-marital sex might have empowered these women not to stay in dead end relationships, ring or no ring.

          • Loke

            “Yeah, but that study uses US data from almost 20 years ago. Times have changed.”
            Times may have changed, but human nature(meaning our genetic make-up) hasnt.

            “I think that anyone with any sort of critical thinking would object to
            the angle of the study, since this author is also only considering
            ‘marital disruption’ from the perspective of the woman’s sexual
            experiences prior to marriage.”
            This is a logical fallacy, there is no reason to say that just because the author studied the womans perspective doesnt mean that he would falsify his results. And other studies have shown that premarital sex among men as well as women increase divorce risk.

            “The approach and the content are both outdated.”
            How are they outdated? This data has been looked on by outside parties btw:
            Sexual Partner Divorce Risk
            http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/sexual-partner-divorce-risk.html

            “The only possible conclusion one could draw from this is that
            pre-marital sex might have empowered these women not to stay in dead end
            relationships, ring or no ring.”
            I dont see how you can make this connection.

            There are also other studies that have made the same connection(although research in this area is almost non-existant). Here is a paper that looks at four previous studies(including the one I linked to above):

            Adolescent Sexuality and the Risk of Marital Dissolution
            http://www.unav.es/matrimonioyfamilia/b/top/2011/Paik_JMM73_Adolescent-sexuality.pdf
            “Only four nationally representative studies have
            examined whether premarital sexual experiences
            are linked to divorce (Heaton, 2002; Kahn &
            London, 1991; Laumann et al., 1994; Teachman,
            2003). Nevertheless, the core finding—the association
            between premarital sex and increased
            risks of divorce—is robust.”

            And seriously, how can you not notice that promiscous women would make bad wives just from personal observation?

          • besudesu

            The blog cites the same paper using the 1995 data, and the other article seems to cite research that is at least ten years old, which means the data sets will be older.

            At any rate, I don’t think there is much point in you citing articles to corroborate an argument that at any rate, wouldn’t be proven by those papers even if you had read them.

            As for your comment about “promiscuous women” making “bad wives”, well….

          • Brett

            I think everyone should have as much safe sex as they can handle. Girls doubly so, if they desire.

          • Loke

            “The blog cites the same paper using the 1995 data,”
            According to you the approach and content of the study was outdated, but you never said why. The study has been published in a reputable journal and the blog link was there to show that others have looked at the data, so I dont think there is anything wrong with either the approach or the content.

            “the other article seems to cite research that is at least ten years old, which means the data sets will be older.”
            Again, human nature hasnt changed, we are still the same we were back then.

            “At any rate, I don’t think there is much point in you citing articles to
            corroborate an argument that at any rate, wouldn’t be proven by those
            papers even if you had read them.”
            I have read two of them, and yes, there is a correlation with the amount of premarital sex-partners and divorce risk.

            “As for your comment about “promiscuous women” making “bad wives”, well….”
            The studies done on this subject show that promiscuous people in general make bad husband and wives. It might be an uncomfortable conclusion but it is what it is.

          • mr.wiener

            That’s easy. From the point of view of some guy calling a girl a slut :
            “A slut is a girl who’ll sleep with anyone…Except with ME!!”

          • Kate

            Instead of putting women into categories, have you ever thought about actually getting to know a woman as a fellow human being who has thoughts, goals, a life on her own? Is a woman who has slept with 10 men lesser of a person then a woman who has slept with 2 or 9? Does that woman deserve to be treated less of a person? What if she is an amazingly great person? Women are so much more then sex you know. What about men? Is a man who has slept with 10 women lesser then a man who has slept with 2 or 9? Or does “slut shaming” not apply to men?

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Well, these categories are fairly discrete.

            I’m not saying they may not be interesting, but to me, it’s a warning sign.

          • Bay Area GUy

            Or does “slut shaming” not apply to men?

            I think the Australian comedian Jim Jefferies said it best when talking about the whole stud/slut dichotomy:

            “It’s fucking easy to be a slut. It is fucking hard to be a stud. To be a stud you have to be witty, charming, have nice clothes, nice shoes, and a fake job. To be a slut, you just have to be there.”

            I too used to subscribe to the belief that “slut shaming” was “sexist” and unfair to women, but I did so under the presumption that men could acquire sex just as easily as women. Clearly, that’s not the case.

            Studs actually have to work for sex with multiple women, whereas sluts don’t have to do a thing.

          • besudesu

            Can someone else please deal with this?

          • Chang Liu

            My my this has touched a raw nerve.

          • hun

            Slut shaming is when women are subjected to insults and ridicule for having sex a lot while guys are praised to have as many vaginas as they possibly can get. When have you seen anyone insulting a male for putting it in? Not all women can acquire sex easily and some men can get pussy easily, im living proof :)

            Both genders can be “witty, charming, have nice clothes, nice shoes, and a fake job” yet the guy is a stud while the woman who does the exact samething is a slut? WHAT.. that’s sexist right there.

            Sorry i just had to say this:
            i live a couple of hours from the bay area, most of the people that i’ve met there were usually really clueless. just my experience.

          • Bay Area Guy

            Not all women can acquire sex easily and some men can get pussy easily, im living proof :)

            Obviously, with any general observation or argument, you’re going to have exceptions to the rule.

            Yes, not all women can acquire sex easily, and yes, there are some guys who can.

            But that doesn’t disprove the general rule. Women on average can get sex a lot more easily than men can. If you’re seriously in denial about this, then I really don’t know what to say.

            If men could get sex as easily as women, then I would agree that slut shaming is wrong. Until then, nah.

          • hun

            prostitution? hookers? strip clubs? call girls? seems god damn easy to me. I never denied that on average women do have an advantage of getting sex but that doesn’t change the fact that “slut shaming” is sexist as i repeat “when have you seen anyone insult a male for putting it in”. The time when men are “slut shamed” by society for having sex then ill agree with your opinion but until then “slut shaming” is a sexist term that does degrades women even when men can do the exact samething but are treated differently, it’s double standards here.

          • Bay Area Guy

            prostitution? hookers? strip clubs? call girls? seems god damn easy to me.

            Really?

            First of all, a lot easier said than done. Prostitution isn’t exactly legal in this country, in addition to the fact that many hookers (at least those of the street variety) are unclean.

            Second, you’re unwittingly proving my point. Using your examples, men have to pay money for sex, whereas women can easily acquire it.

            When it becomes as hard to be a slut as it is a stud, then I’ll agree that slut shaming is wrong.

          • hun

            “First of all, a lot easier said than done. Prostitution isn’t exactly
            legal in this country, in addition to the fact that many hookers (at
            least those of the street variety) are unclean. ”

            Lots of things aren’t legal in this country, try stopping it tho, oh and it’s not like only America has this problem.. there’s others besides USA too man.. I don’t know if you’ve seen the latest technology for US prostitutes *cough* backpage*cough* but im pretty sure men can get sex easily and i dare say safer than girls nowadays.

            “Second, you’re unwittingly proving my point. Using your examples, men have to pay money for sex, whereas women can easily acquire it. ”

            It was a counter-argument against your “If men could get sex as easily as women, then I would agree that slut shaming is wrong.” as i see it, It doesn’t matter if we have to pay or they don’t pay, which btw sometimes they do(gigolos),the bottom line is sex is sex and i just proved my point that guys can get sex if not better than girls.

            So from what i understand, you’re trying to imply that slut shaming isn’t wrong or sexist because girls get sex easier than men and that slut shaming doesn’t apply to men because we work harder for sex? You realize you’re trying to justify sexism right?? Again, you only replied to my very first sentence, what about a rebuttle for the other half of my reply which was of more relevance.

            Lemme lay it out for you: You’re trying to justify your opinions about slut shaming as not sexist because it protect your views about womens biological unfair advantage over men on sex which basically means, you’re in denial about seeing “slut shaming” as sexist because until men can whip out their dicks and have vaginas crawling to them without trying, just like women popping their pussy and having cocks following them, then “slut shaming” isn’t obviously sexist until we’re on equal footing, am i correct? It’s painfully clear that you try to state evidences that support your theory on why it isn’t wrong but the fact of the matter is, you haven’t said anything of importance at all.

            “When it becomes as hard to be a slut as it is a stud, then I’ll agree that slut shaming is wrong.”

            You cannot compare “sluts” and “studs” as it doesn’t make sense.

            Lets just put it this way, it’s harder to be a woman than a man.

          • Bay Area Guy

            I find it funny how you accuse me of being in denial about the sexist intent behind slut shaming, and yet you have repeatedly asserted that men can acquire sex just as easily, if not more so, than women.

            If you truly believe that, then I have a bridge to sell you. Needless to say, it betrays your ignorance.

            until men can whip out their dicks and have vaginas crawling to them without trying, just like women popping their pussy and having cocks following them, then “slut shaming” isn’t obviously sexist until we’re on equal footing, am i correct?

            Absolutely correct. If a woman had to try just as hard as a man to get sex (or vice versa), and slut shaming still existed, it would definitely be sexist. But otherwise, no.

            You have nothing of substance to say, other than screaming “sexism!” and making a ridiculous comparison between women acquiring casual sex and men procuring prostitutes. If you can’t even appreciate the difference between having to pay for that which others can acquire with ease (and for free), then I really don’t know what to say.

            You also seem to discount the psychological shame that would accompany men having to pay for sex.

            (ie. they’re such losers that they have to pay for sex)

            Spare me your feminists dogmas.

          • hun

            god dammit you don’t read anything i say, anyways the point is… have both a male and female on the same playing field. Once you have that now make them have sex with 30 people and tell me which would be praised and the other “slut shamed”(i want a reply to this question). You want both genders to have equal powers in terms of sex but thats never going to happen, ever. You say girls can get sex easier? no shit. I don’t even think i need an explanation to tell you why.

            Heres you: Slut shaming women is okay because they get free sex. It’s harder for men because we have to try.

            I keep repeating this but i never get an answer so next time you reply answer this also “When have you ever seen a man get shamed for having a lot of sex?”

            “You also seem to discount the psychological shame that would accompany men having to pay for sex. ”

            There’s also such a thing as psychological shame for females being “sluts”.

            Cant tell if troll or just stupid honestly.

          • Bay Area Guy

            god dammit you don’t read anything i say,

            Oh, I read what you say. I just happen to think that what you say is bullshit, as well as inconsistent.

            Compare what you say in this comment:

            You say girls can get sex easier? no shit.

            To what you say above in previous comments:

            im pretty sure men can get sex easily…guys can get sex if not better than girls.

            Which one is it? You keep flip flopping on this.

            “When have you ever seen a man get shamed for having a lot of sex?”

            Rarely. However, as I’ve said before, it’s justified because men actually have to work for the sex they get.

            There’s also such a thing as psychological shame for females being “sluts”.

            Still not on the same level as procuring a prostitute. There you go with your faulty comparisons again.

            For starters, it isn’t illegal to be a slut.

            Cant tell if troll or just stupid honestly.

            *yawn*

            Am I supposed to feel hurt by your childish insults? I can’t even get angry at you. You’re an intellectual lightweight, and not particularly original in terms of the way you regurgitate feminist talking points.

          • Bay Area Guy

            You want both genders to have equal powers in terms of sex but thats never going to happen, ever.

            So it appears you have no problem with this double standard, and in fact believe that it’s inevitable. And yet you get so butthurt over “slut shaming.”

            Well, guess what? You want “slut shaming” to end, but that’s never going to happen, ever.

            See, two can play this game.

          • hun

            “You want both genders to have equal powers in terms of sex but thats never going to happen, ever.

            So it appears you have no problem with this double standard, and in fact believe that it’s inevitable. And yet you get so butthurt over
            “slut shaming.””

            Girls having more powers than men in terms of sex is biological, how is that a definition of double standards? That’s just fact given from todays society+DNA.
            Slut shaming however is insulting a female who has lots of sex. You can’t slut shame a male having lots of sex, hence sexist and a double standard.

            “Well, guess what? You want “slut shaming” to end, but that’s never going to happen, ever.”

            Slut shaming can end when society figures out it’s a degrading sexist term used against women. All you have to do is look at earths animal kingdom and see for yourself that almost every living female has the advantage over males in terms of intercourse.

          • Bay Area Guy

            Girls having more powers than men in terms of sex is biological, how is that a definition of double standards? That’s just fact given from todays society+DNA.

            I don’t give two flying fucks whether it’s biological or cultural. It’s still a disparity between the two genders.

            The way I see it, slut shaming is our socially constructed way to fight back against female sexual power.

            All you have to do is look at earths animal kingdom and see for yourself that almost every living female has the advantage over males in terms of intercourse.

            Oh yes, we should all aspire to emulate the various animals on earth.

            I like to think that humans are a more advanced species than all the rest. We’re the only ones capable of working towards taking away that female advantage through techniques such as slut shaming.

          • hun

            “god dammit you don’t read anything i say,

            Oh, I read what you say. I just happen to think that what you say is bullshit, as well as inconsistent.”

            You’re a liar because i asked and wanted two questions answered and it’s most likely you don’t understand what im saying.

            “You say girls can get sex easier? no shit.

            To what you say above in previous comments:

            im pretty sure men can get sex easily…guys can get sex if not better than girls.”

            Girls get sex easier on average but it also means that guys can too get sex easily IF NOT BETTER than girls using callgirls and all that. It wasn’t that hard to understand.

            “”When have you ever seen a man get shamed for having a lot of sex?”

            Rarely. However, as I’ve said before, it’s justified because men actually have to work for the sex they get.”

            and women don’t? There’s your sexist remark right here. You think that all men work hard for sex while all women dont have to which is really ignorant.

            “There’s also such a thing as psychological shame for females being “sluts”.

            Still not on the same level as procuring a prostitute. There you go with your faulty comparisons again.”

            Didn’t you just compare a “slut” and a “stud”? You compared two opposites, i merely announced another psychological shame that you seem to have forgotten about women because nowhere in my sentence did i compare the two.

            “For starters, it isn’t illegal to be a slut.”

            You know prostitution used to and still are legal in some countries right? so bringing in USA laws doesn’t help you at all when this is a world wide problem.

          • Bay Area Guy

            You’re a liar because i asked and wanted two questions answered

            What are you, my boss or teacher? I can respond to whichever parts of your comments I damn well please. I don’t have to do a damn thing you want.

            Girls get sex easier on average but it also means that guys can too get sex easily IF NOT BETTER than girls using callgirls and all that. It wasn’t that hard to understand.

            There you go again with your apples and oranges. If you seriously think that “sex is sex” and that it doesn’t make a difference if you have to pay for it or not (you must be quite economically privileged, I take it, to make a remark like that. Cuz you know, any guy can go and hire a call girl if he feels like it. *rolls eyes*), then you should take a logic 101 course.

            and women don’t? There’s your sexist remark right here. You think that all men work hard for sex while all women dont have to which is really ignorant.

            For the MOST part, no. Obviously not ALL men have to work hard for sex and not ALL women don’t. That’s a strawman on your part. But on AVERAGE (do you get what “average” means?) women don’t have to work all that hard to get sex, whereas the AVERAGE guy does.

            You know prostitution used to and still are legal in some countries right? so bringing in USA laws doesn’t help you at all when this is a world wide problem.

            What the hell does that matter? I happen to live in the USA, and therefore its anti-prostitution laws are what’s relevant. The prostitution laws of other countries are of little relevance here.

            Oh, lemme guess, you’re going to tell Americans guys who want prostitutes to just spend money on hookers abroad, because “sex is sex” and it doesn’t matter if you have to pay for it. Am I right?

          • Reply

            Why is it bad to be able to aquire something and then aquiring it?

            Your only reason seems to be that you’re jealous.

        • Elf Queen

          How do you know that Tesla didnt have sex? You were with him 24/7 all his life?Yes,they do say that in all the books about him but he is dead so he cannot say yes or no.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Because he said it himself, that’s why people know.

            Why do you care?

            Does someone need to have had sex with 100 girls for you to respect them? lol.

          • Elf Queen

            No,not at all.
            So this is like the Virgin Mary story. Didnt do anything yet she had a child. Nice fairy tale for a 5 year old.
            Now this is really off topic now.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Honestly: You sound retarded to me, thinking it’s impossible for a man to go his whole life not having sex although exactly the same happened with Newton.

            Looking through your post history it seems you are a Koreaphile who likes crappy pop music and the plastic men who sing it though, so it’s unsurprising. Reflective of your very low IQ at least. I miss the days when it was just ChinaSmack, and everyone had at least some knowledge of East Asian culture and language beyond “oppa” and some crappy boy bands.

          • Elf Queen

            I dont think it is impossible,simply if all men would refrain from sex then us a species would be extinct. Same goes for woman.
            I dont like crappy pop music or actually any kind of pop music.Some songs yeah but very rarely.Even if I would,so what?
            Plastic men? Heck,sometimes when I look around the subway I wish men would take care of themselves a little more.Maybe makeup for men is overdoing it,but you know what I prefer that than men who cannot even find a bar soap.All this in New York where most people do not pay for water.Again off topic.

        • dk2020

          was telsa gay? how old are you and how many relationships have u been in? u sound like a foreveraloner .. there are two contradicting extremes .. if sex isn’t so popular why is prostitution so rampant and the pr0n so perverted? Japanese love sex its just relationships that come with it not so much .. oh and I know Japanese girls are freaky in bed from ex gf’s ..

          • linette lee

            You have a crazy avatar. Go do the harlem shake con terrorista

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkNrSpqUr-E

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Tesla was just disinterested in women, because he was so obsessed with his electrical and other engineering projects.

          • vincent

            He also died alone and poor though, sad ending to the life of a genius.

        • Chang Liu

          I think different people have different sex-drive, no point moralising sex-lessness as a virtue, and on the flip side make it out to be the holy-grail of life (in some sense it is).

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Yes, but if you don’t motivate people with a high sex drive to behave in a moral manner through shame/guilt, it can create instability in society.

          • Chang Liu

            Hmm that makes sense however with shame/guilt? Not every culture is based on the concept of Original Sin you know.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Most cultures are more similar when it comes to conservative attitudes to sex than you think.

        • mr.wiener

          “I used to think you sounded like a sweet girl Kate, but this just comes across as trashy.”

          Sexual honesty from a women *gasp!* Threatening!

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Why do you have to kiss ass?

          • mr.wiener

            Kiss yours? not if it was made of gold and shat diamonds.
            Defend the integrity and good opinions of my friends? Every….Fucking….Time.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Nah, you just kiss ass.

            I mean, “good opinions of my friends”, what kind of groupthink nonsense is that?

            Most men don’t like literal sluts. They may want their girlfriend to behave sluttily with them, they may like a fling with a slut, but actual sluts are disliked. Not implying Kate is one of these, but a lot of girls who travel to Japan and South Korea are.

          • mr.wiener

            Oh, you implied it alright.
            Pistols at dawn your choice of seconds?

          • Brett

            You sure do write a lot for a guy with nothing to say.

            Agreeing with a friend’s opinion isn’t “groupthink” or nonsense, unless you agree solely because the opinion is one from a friend.

          • besudesu

            And you, in all your genius, see no problem with “men” disliking “literal sluts”?

          • Reply

            Men who hate ‘sluts’ are usually the ones who aren’t getting any.

          • Kate

            Awww thanks, amigo ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

          • besudesu

            Now that’s what we call a man. Some others could take note.

        • vincent

          “Men can have interests entirely separate from sex, it’s a lot harder for women to have this as your lives revolve around it in a way ours don’t.” Rape statistics worldwide would prove you wrong.
          “Asian girls are a little different in this regard as they’re happy to go without sex for extended periods.” This would allude more to the quality of men Asian women are with or to their more materialistic natures, take your pick, but I should add of course that it does not apply to all Asian women as times and attitudes are changing.
          “I used to think you sounded like a sweet girl Kate, but this just comes across as trashy.” This comment of yours is complete malarkey, if anything a woman who is able to communicate her desires to her husband is much better than one that lacks this particular trait, one of the factors that contributes to divorce is a lack of communication.
          While it is your right to make comments, take into account a broader perspective, it does beg the question, are you an individual that has taken a vow of celibacy? I ask because your comment comes off as showing a prudish and insecure personality.

        • Hier

          you clearly dont know asian girls lol

      • Chang Liu

        Well I used to think that difference in sex drive isn’t that important in a relationship until I got into a relationship that was REALLY different. Needless to say I got myself out of that relationship soon. Now I think it is one of the MOST important thing in a relationship. I’ve been married for a year now and still has sex more than 3 times a week.

      • the ace of books

        “a man that isn’t having sex with you is ether ill, not attracted to you, or getting it somewhere else”

        … or he’s asexual.
        … or he doesn’t feel like it.
        … or he’s got stuff on his mind.
        … or he’s exhausted from work.
        … or he’s observing Lent or something.
        … or he has his own good, solid, understandable reasons to not feel like having sex.

        See what I did there?

    • tonkotsu

      sex is not overrated

      • Chang Liu

        Amen to that brother.

  • http://twitter.com/soldoutactivist Steven Rogers

    Japan might be the first civilization to one day literally die of old age…

  • ChuckRamone

    I think if more restaurants in Japan put sex on their menus, more couples would order it.

  • http://twitter.com/ricardo2248 ricardo buijsman

    i do think it’s about that the Japanese in general are not good in expressing Their feelings.
    i have heard many Japanese woman who are married to a foreigner, and well you know, we like to give a hug when we go too work or give a kiss and be romantic, there just not used to it.
    especially if we are going to talk about honne and tatemae. ^^

  • PixelPulse

    This seems like a great time to be a sex therapist in Japan.

    • Kate

      Yeah it does, you wouldn’t be hurting for business.

    • Jack

      actually, seeing therapists is almost taboo… couples rarely talk about their problems here :/

  • dim mak

    Beta as fuck

    “Fun” and “desire” are irrelevant at this point

    I make it my personal duty to fuck just for the sake of bringing more Chinese into this world, and I suggest Japan do the same if they don’t wanna go down the shitter

    • Jahar

      how much success have you had? also, aren’t there enough people here now? you want more?

    • Rinetto Shii

      I don’t think you have to worry about the Chinese population dwindling any time soon….Japan on the other hand..

  • Paul

    In a country where 54% of its men answered in a poll done recently, that they were “Otaku”, can we really blame the Japanese women for not being attracted to their own men?

    • AnthonyLudovici

      Dude, shut up. Stop embarassing us. You’re as bad as black guys who think all white women prefer them.

      • Brett

        Every single thing that you have typed on this board has made me facepalm hard core.

        • AnthonyLudovici

          Are you retarded?

          • Brett

            “Men can have interests entirely separate from sex, it’s a lot harder for women to have this as your lives revolve around it in a way ours don’t.” I can’t believe I just read that. Facepalm!

            “I don’t think women should divulge details of their sex lives online. I think they should aim to keep their sexual partner count low and so on.” Who gives a flying fuck what you think women should do? I don’t think you should continue breathing, but does that make it okay for me to say?

            “I’ve alays found it funny how females with typically “nerdy” interests like anime are, uncharacterstically for the “nerd” stereotype, highly promiscuous, have issues with absent/distant fathers and so on.
            Wonder why this, none of the typical male “nerds” I know are like this.
            Can you stop thinking about sex for a few seconds please?”
            You are a judgmental prick… bad form.

            “The difference between men and women is that women regard a man who has had sex with a lot of women as highly desirable.” Women may regard a man who is confident as desirable, but I don’t see how you would have any knowledge of that anyways.

            “Well yeah, but that’s not what determines whether a girl is a slut or not.” Oh really, is there a test which does? Enlighten me.

            “Yes, but if you don’t motivate people with a high sex drive to behave in a moral manner through shame/guilt, it can create instability in society.” What the fuck are you talking about?

            And the cream of the fucking crop of asinine comments “You’re as bad as black guys…” I don’t even know how to pick this one apart. You are merely trolling as of this point. The fact that this got 4 upvotes causes me to shake my head.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            >And the cream of the fucking crop of asinine comments “You’re as bad as black guys…”

            It’s almost as if you don’t understand how basic English grammar works. I mean, how fucking thick do you have to be not to grasp the concept of a conjunction?

            And you’re the same people teaching English abroad?

            Jesus Christ…

          • Brett

            Typical troll. When backed into a corner for being an idiot, find a grammar mistake.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            No retard, you either purposefully or accidentally misconstrued what I said because you don’t understand how conjunctions or contingent assertions work.

            You just saw the words “black guys” and your libtard hurt feelings victim mentality radar went into overdrive.

            “MUST DEFEND THE POOR BLACK CHILDREN OF DARFUR!”

          • mr.wiener

            O.K , I’ll bite and accept your initial post at face value. Do you truly believe a stereotypical depiction of black guys with a preference for white chicks is a good analogy for some one who thinks Japanese women might be less attracted to a culture of home-bound and physically inactive Japanese men?

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Yes. I believe most people are endogamous. Most Japanese women prefer Japanese men. Most White women prefer White men.

            Nothing wrong with interracial relationships, the only problems are the dysfunctional ones where you’ve got Asian guys who, despite having a white girlfriend, bitch endlessly about Asian girls going for white guys, or White guys who bitch about how ‘unfeminine’ White girls are. Unfortunately, a good portion of interracial relationships seem to be like this. It’s particularly nauseating when low tier asian guys act like they’re getting one over on white dudes by having a white girlfriend. I just wish that women, white or asian, would have a bit more self respect not to enable losers like that.

          • mr.wiener

            So your allowed to have a relationship with person of another race, just don’t beat your chest about it is it?
            I’m good with that, but I suspect you are really saying to them to keep their heads down and not offend your delicate sensibilities by being noticed.

          • Brett

            No, I got your backwards point you belittling child. I didn’t misconstrue anything. You clearly compared what Paul wrote with “black guys who (do the same)” as if that makes your argument any more credible.

            You are the one who changed Paul’s original meaning from “can we really blame the Japanese women for not being attracted to their own men?” to “can we really blame the Japanese women for only being attracted to non-Japanese men”. Non-sequitur.

            But now you are playing children’s games, huffing your chest out to be as big as you can in hopes to intimidate me. Get lost.

          • Brett

            Good edit, jackass.

            “And you’re the same people teaching English abroad?” I’m guessing you mean “white people” and assume that because my Avatar a white person and moniker “Brett”, not to mention the biggest telltale of them all- I am writing on a blog about an Asian country- I am an English teacher (as if that’s something to be ashamed of). Did I guess correctly?

            Was the edit because you realized you, in fact, made no contingent assertions? Just because you took a debate theory class in community college doesn’t mean you should get in front of a computer and spew your garbage commentary.

          • AnthonyLudovici

            You’re not actually countering my point that you purposefully or accidentally misconstrued my point because you’re a fool or a limp wristed leftist of the hurt feelings brigade variety.

          • Brett

            You have no point because you totally mistook what Paul wrote out of context.

            Why should I counter a false point?

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Dude, just stop. It’s getting embarassing.

            I’m not the kind of person to unleash salvo after salvo of intellectual humiliation against someone online.

          • Brett

            It’s okay, If others think I am wrong, they can pipe in. And you are only humiliating someone if they actually feel humiliated because of something you said or did. Not the case here.

            I’m still waiting for you to apologize for being an ass to Kate, Beth, wiener, and myself. There are other people, too, but I don’t know them very well. Oh, and admit that you were wrong and we will call it even. M’kay?

          • AnthonyLudovici

            Nope. Beth is a histronic weeaboo who trawled Japan for her kawaii sugoi azn bf – That kind of girl deserves nothing but scorn and contempt. I never called Kate a slut, in fact I implied she was the complete opposite which was why such frank commentary contrasted in the first place.

          • Brett

            I have no idea what you wrote in that first line, but I doubt it was flattering. You must be the single coolest person in the world to so effortlessly be able to throw around so many personal and “intellectual humiliation” beat downs. I don’t believe in karma, so much as I believe a megalomaniac such as yourself will be served yours soon enough irl.

          • besudesu

            Histrionic? Surely you mean hysterical?

  • EightNineBall

    “If there’s love between you, and you’re happy, then I guess that’s enough, even if you don’t do it. I’m a virgin, by the way…”

    Follows my line of thought.

  • TSDown

    People could also be stressed. As a young couple when you have to worry about job security, aging parents, saving for retirement, paying the bills, social obligations, etc. it can be hard to get into the mood. A young worker in Japan who is just starting out will, due to entrenched expectations, have to work late and may be too exhausted by the time they get home. This is all assuming they have saved up enough money to afford a place to live with decent privacy. While love hotels are an option it may be costly or unreasonable to visit several nights a week.

    I don’t think Japanese couples dislike sex but even animals who have all the time in the world do not engage in sex on a daily basis. You will note how the populations of animals in captivity are never exploding.

    Of course attraction can play a big part, too. It does not help that
    society is bombarded with images of models in commercials and
    advertisements that embed the image of the ideal sexual partner. This
    is perpetuated by the entertainment industry and may be, on a
    subconscious level, breeding unrealistic expectations. If you take away all the distractions though, the other things around us that provide pleasure, I’m sure there would be more raw, wet, passionate sex.

  • ric

    hmm idk how to feel

  • Pickle

    They have women who look like that one who is in bed on the pillow in the picture above and yet there is such a thing as “no sex on the menu”? If that was my woman, I’d be eating her for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and snacking too! Everyday! What’s going on there?

  • x1sfg

    Well, countries with longer average working hours and countries that are better off financially have less sex. The average Japanese worker works much longer than other first world nations so that ties into everything. People in poor countries, or even poor areas in developed countries such as the Deep South of the US and historically agricultural rural areas have more children, as another set of working hands.

    Makes me want to watch Idiocracy all over again.

  • Nilerafter24

    First World problems.
    I could only wish the same for my home country back in Africa (Uganda). Necessary to get the population under control !!
    To be honest, if two people are happy without much sex in their lives, I don’t think it’s a huge issue. Sex is an over-rated activity in my opinion. As a matter of fact, I envy men who can keep their libido in check. The African in me won’t allow that.
    I find constantly thinking about sex is distressing and annoying. As a guy, being to drawn to every hot thing in a skirt is distracting. I feel especially bad when I have lewd thoughts of the girl with the large chest sitting across from me in the subway while my girlfriend sits beside me. I feel like ripping my hormones out of my body.
    I’d be okay with living asexually and if it was medically possible, I’d want all my libido and sexual desire stripped from me. I just don’t know if my girlfriend would accept that.

    • dim mak

      Why not just masturbate a lot

      • Nilerafter24

        haha. Even that is a hopeless solution for me… I just feel worse and more pathetic after masturbation.. rarely satisfied.

        • mr.wiener

          don’t knock masturbation, for many people it’s the only time they get to be intimate with someone they really love.

    • the ace of books

      “I’d be okay with living asexually”

      Yeah, it’s good stuff if you know how to ignore assholes. Being asexual avoids a whole ton of problems. Sure, aces have their own shit to deal with every now and then, but on the whole I’d far rather be ace than not.

    • EJ

      I agree with you on sex being overrated (it’s still great though). However, I only say that when it’s all that one talks/lives for. Occasionally I’ll meet guys, and sometimes even women, who put it on a platter. I just roll my eyes.

      “As a matter of fact, I envy men who can keep their libido in check. The African in me won’t allow that.” <—–No offense but this sounds like an excuse. You can control your urges. Having a high libido may not help but it's possible after much work . ;) And IMO your high libido has nothing to do with you being African.

  • Chang Liu

    From my own experience of going out with my Japanese friends in London in my student days I can say their libidos are fine, could it have something to do with high social expectations of coupledom in Japan prevents healthy communication between partners? Wild guess.

  • Johnny X-Ray

    have you the fuckin’ brainworms???? sex is a vital roll in our very existence as mammalians, we need to have it, we need that sensual connection, as well as stress relief, and anti-depressant/suicide prevention….once a year unbelievable….poor poor humans…

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