A recent article on a women’s dating advice site suggests that if men are over 36 and still not married or with someone they intend to marry, then they must have some kind of problem. The writer then went on to list what some of these potential problems might be, saying that women should be vigilant when dating a man approaching 40.
When the article was reposted on 2ch.net, you can imagine that the mainly male audience had something to say about the article. Interestingly, many of the comments highlighted the fact that some men are happy as they are, and see marriage as an intrusion on their free time, while others simply pointed out that women over a certain age may also be harboring some personality issues.
Ha Chu Tells Us What Women Really Think: Is There Something Up With Men Over 36 Who Aren’t Married…?
A love advice column by Ito Haruka (Ha Chu), chief editor of the beauty coupon site ‘Kirei Navi’
Key points you should check when dating a man around 40.
On a girls’ night, we started talking about ‘Whether a man over 36 who is not married definitely has ‘something’ going on.
Even when I tried googling at what age men were still considered ‘eligible’ for marriage, it wasn’t clear, but most of my male friends thought they’d ‘like to get married between 33 and 36’. Still, while I personally don’t think it’s all that bad, as it happens, on the night when we were discussing it, the theory that ‘If men are over 36 and not married, *or* have no partner they’re thinking about marrying, then there’s something up’ won out.
Saying that there ‘something up’ is completely a woman’s point of view, so I think that it has probably never even occurred to these guys that they have issues, but if I give a few examples:
・ They have the kind of temperament where they can’t really love a woman ← They are more important than their girlfriend.
・ They have no desire to get married in the first place. ← But a lot of these men paradoxically want children.
・ They don’t earn much ← Freeters and so on (A lot of them want to be musicians and artists)
・ They’ve got wanderlust ← They’ll suddenly want to go around the world.
・ They’ve got Oedipus complex ← This includes guys who live with their mothers.
・ They’re in a business where they can’t get married ← Idols and so on.
・They’re dreamers ← The pattern is that they won’t get married until they’ve fulfilled their dreams.
・They have huge issues with their personalities, like being violent, not being able to handle alcohol ← I hate these the most.
・ They’re too enthusiastic about things ← the object of their enthusiasm can be anything from cars to work.
・ They’ve got an ex-wife ← You can’t know they have an ex unless it’s written on their face.
・ They have some weird personality quirks ← Some problem where their previous girlfriends were left depressed every night.
And so on and so on.
There are all kinds of patterns, but at any rate, it seems that women uniformly think that there is always ‘a reason they can’t get married’ and ‘a reason previous girlfriends didn’t marry them’, so we should take care. The reason for this is because we can’t afford to waste time.
As my girls and I went home, we all kept in mind that when dating a man over 36, identify the reason why he’s not married, and think about whether or not it’s a deal breaker! Then you can start talking!
The last time I met *that* handsome guy, he was totally in love with his new girlfriend, and was all like ‘Guys, I want to see my girlfriend so I’m going home early!’, and was leaving all the drinking parties first. In the space of only a few months, the situation has changed rapidly. ‘I broke up with her, but we’re not like completely broken up, so it’s difficult…’. And now, to escape from his ex-girlfriend, he’s discussing things with a lawyer.
While they were going out, realising that his girlfriend had a few issues with her personality, he said he wanted to break up, and it seems that she turned into a stalker.
‘She was letting herself into my house, and I was frightened to go home, I’d go home every night while on the phone to a friend, and when I got inside my room I’d check high and low, even looking under the bed.’
Scary. What the hell. So frightening.
That night, I quietly added ‘Make sure his ex isn’t a psycho’ to my ‘Men around forty checklist’.
Comments from 2ch.net:
Shut the fuck up.
Isn’t it the same for women too?
For real! Apart from the ex-wife thing, they’re all spot-on, aren’t they?
Well, even guys who are married have issues, if they get to 36…
I want to watch films, listen to music, use my PC, read and write, ride my bike, and if someone is by my side it’s going to piss me off.
Both men and women have issues if they’re unmarried and over thirty, they’re the ones left on the shelf.
It’s the end when you’re being told that by a dried-up old hag.
Women over 26 who are still single are the ones with problems.
In the old days, it was normal for men to get married once they were in their thirties.
For women it’s 29. Once they’re 30, they’re out.
I don’t want to hand over my hard-earned cash to someone else.
Hmm, I can’t disagree with that. I also felt that it’s the same for women, once they’re over thirty they have issues.
I’m married and I also have kids, but no matter what I’m always the most important. And I think that’s perfectly reasonable.
Why is this just limited to men?
I don’t get the point of getting married. Where’s the value in looking after a woman who’s only going to get older, particularly when you’ve got money of your own!? Plus it’s fun to go out with young girls and then dump them when you get fed up ♪
I have no desire to get married but am I going to be criticized by people saying I have to marry? I guess that minorities are always going to get persecuted, like the gays.
Women are really more trouble than they’re worth. That’s the answer.
I can’t deny what she’s said, but it pisses me off.
In the case of women, if they’re over 36 and don’t have children, no one will say anything because they feel sorry for them.