Valentine’s Day may be just around the corner, but for Japanese couples, it seems that romance is off the menu.
One of the most read articles on the Yahoo! Japan magazines portal this weekend came from an article discussing sexless couples that was featured in R25, a free magazine aimed at young Japanese people. The issue of sexless singletons has hit the news before, but the increasing occurrence of sexless couples is an entirely different matter. These couples do not identify as asexual couples; rather they are couples who, for various reasons, simply stop having sex. And some of them aren’t even married yet.
Of course, it is possible that more and more Japanese couples are staying in long-term relationships without getting married, in which case these statistics only tell us what we already know; that over time relationships can lose their spark. On the other hand, they could highlight a new phenomenon that has parallels with the increase in single, sexless youths in Japan.
What do you think about the so-called ‘sexless epidemic’ that appears to be sweeping through the nation? Is it simply the result of an obsession with sexual stats? Or just an insufficient obsession with sex?
From Yahoo! Japan:
A Percentage of UnmarriedCouples are Sexless!
40.9% of Men and 52.2% of Women Had Talked About Sexlessness With Their Lover; Less Than Half In Total, 46.7%
Should we already be calling it a social problem? ‘Sexlessness’ is epidemic. According to the December 2012 ‘Survey of Male-Female Couples’ Lifestyles and Awareness’ carried out by the Japan Family Planning Association (JFPA), the percentage of couples who said that they ‘had not had sex in the past month’ was 41.3%. This is a considerable percentage, and it is not the only problem. It appears that sexlessness is even epidemic among unmarried couples in their twenties and thirties. When our magazine carried out a survey of 400 men and women (200 of each gender) between 25 and 34 years old who were in a relationship, around 30% of them (29.6%) answered the number of times they had sex was less than ‘once per month’. Although just under 10% were stalwarts who had sex ‘more than three times a week’, results showed that around half of respondents said that they had sex less than ‘once every two weeks’. It is another thing if this happens after a couple get married, but why are people not having sex when they are a new couple?
When we asked those who recognise themselves as ‘sexless’ the reason for this, more than half of them answered that ‘I don’t feel sexually attracted to my partner/ We’re stuck in a rut’. In particular, this answer was remarkable from women. When we asked Dr. Souda Satoru, head of Hiroo Ladies and author of the book ‘A Textbook For Your Uterus From Age 31 Onwards’, told us that women coming to discuss sexlessness at his clinic had almost doubled in the past two to three years.
‘Most of the women I see are women who are already married, and who were wither in sexless relationships even when they were dating, or women who first had sex after they got married and then found that things weren’t going well’.
So it seems that there are also cases where sexlessness between a couple begins before they get married. But what kind of ‘treatment’ could there possibly be for sexless couples that could return their relationship to its original state?
There are various things that can be done depending on the circumstances of the couple, but you start by talking about physical things, so that they can enjoy sex together. The thing is, in actual fact 80% of the consultations I have are with the woman alone. Men really shouldn’t be embarrassed and should come with their partners. It’s difficult to resolve things when the men don’t really care.’
It’s difficult if sexlessness can’t be solved as a couple, but what can be done for those couples who say that they ‘just don’t feel like it’…?
Comments from 2ch.net:
10% of you guys are sexless.
Isn’t that just called a friend?
So there are even husbands and wives who are sexless.
Thing is, it’s easier to wank than have sex, plus it feels better.
ボンベイ(埼玉県)：[in response to above]
What are you talking about, virgin?
黒トラ(島根県)：[in response to above]
V-v-v-v-irgin? I’m not a virgin!
It’s because when a guy has his first kid, at that moment his life is over. ‘The condom split w‘
It’s no problem — the number of men and women who are not going out but who are having sex is also increasing.
I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for six years, and I haven’t done it for four.
But everyone thinks that if you do it all the time then it’s better not to do it or to reduce the number of times you do it because you’ll get fed up. When I was in high-school I thought it was impossible to get sick of having sex, but you do.
After about a year you usually stop doing it. You don’t get turned on anymore, so you start thinking about cheating all the time.
Seems like if you have sex before marriage, then the rate of infidelity goes up after marriage.
I became sexless after we got a kitten. The cage just had to be in our bedroom…
I guess that when you go out with someone for a long time, you gradually become like siblings, or you’re just living normally, so there’s nothing you can do about it. But I think it’s like you definitely don’t want to break up and if anyone laid a hand on your girl you’d go fucking crazy.
If there’s love between you, and you’re happy, then I guess that’s enough, even if you don’t do it. I’m a virgin, by the way…